Time For Reflection

February 2020

I’ve been in hermit mode since the start of this year. Well, not in complete hermit mode. I’ve been working, but I’ve spent my non-working hours in my own head, for me. I needed the time out for myself, as I reflected back on the year and decade that was, and set my intentions for the new year (and decade). Lots to think about and lots of change. Actually, when I really think about it, for me, it’s the close of not just a decade but a chapter of 20 years, or a vicennial, which sounds so much longer.

I started the last vicennial as a married woman who, as a person, was really starting to come into her own. My clairvoyance and visions started to really develop, evolve and heighten, and I remember having many conversations with my spirit guides back then. I saw some spiritual healers to help me clear past energy and understand where I was on my journey in this lifetime. I learnt about how my then-husband and I, had met and lived several lives together, but that there was always another few souls that I shared lives with, and that I’d meet them again in this lifetime. I met and connected with someone who had similar spiritual abilities to me and whilst we were close for maybe a decade, we’ve grown apart and lost touch, but I know that our time together helped us both grow and I’m grateful for her friendship and support back then. I also got a glimpse of the richer lifestyle I’d only dreamed about when the Olympics were in my city and an ex-colleague flew into Sydney for it, and asked me to show him around. Now, don’t get any weird ideas here – the guy was old enough to be my father and then some. Anyway, I was happy to show off my city and in return, I ended up travelling in private chauffeured cars to many Olympic events, with front row tickets to most of them, and also met some of the coaches and players along the way. Being older, wiser and much more travelled and connected than me, he taught me a lot and opened my eyes up to so many possibilities that life had to offer. In many ways, that time spent and his friendship, or rather mentorship, was giving me a taste of how life could be, if I wanted to reach for it. He made me look at things from a different perspective and filled in the gaps that I expected from my own father in terms of mentoring me on life.

As my awareness grew, so did my spiritual abilities. I started to get more and more visions of my future, to the point where I clearly knew how many children I would have in the coming years, and I even felt them hang around me and talk to me, especially when I relaxed my mind and just let my senses take over.

My then-husband didn’t seem to like it. Probably because working on me, meant taking my attention off him, which I now know is one of his issues with his own self-worth. As you can imagine, over the course of a few short years, I ended up hiding and inevitably closing off my spiritual side and my gifts, so that I could focus on him and our marriage, as his negativity towards it just became a bit too much. Still, it didn’t stop a clear vision of my future coming in, where I saw myself in a happy family and home life, with a loving and dedicated partner; Strange thing was, it wasn’t him that I saw, so I pushed the vision aside and labelled as a crazy moment for myself, and forgot about it for a few years.

And life continued throughout that vicennial. I travelled the world and had my children. I kept moving forward (and upwards) with my career, despite taking some time off to give birth three times. I met more and more amazing people, most of which I had the pleasure of working with. I also came across many not-so-nice people, who, whilst they taught me lessons that I’m now grateful for, I’m not keen on ever crossing paths with again. I found myself facing challenges and decisions that I never thought that I would have to make, but each time, with faith in my own capabilities and trust that everything would work out if I took steps towards what I wanted, I came out fine on the other side.

I’m not going to lie – the last 20 years wasn’t smooth sailing. There were some dark times amongst all the sunshine, but looking back, I can say that every time I started to feel like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, I’d get a vision of how things would be, and it’d be enough to keep me going. (And you can’t have light if there is no dark.) Of course, sooner or later, I’d see my visions come true and that in itself, would give me more encouragement to keep moving forward. Now that also taught me that no matter how much I wanted to push aside and ignore my spiritual abilities, they came forth and shone through when I needed them most, and it was the especially difficult times when I learnt that my instincts and visions are never wrong, and that I need to just trust them.

And that all brings me to where I am today. February 2020. My life isn’t picture perfect, but that’s okay. I had hoped to have everything financially settled by now, with my ex-husband, so that I could have started this new year completely fresh and without any ties to what was; But I already knew that it wouldn’t be… I knew that back when I had first walked out on him, before I could even file for divorce. I knew how long it would take and how he’d drag it out. I had also hoped that I had my own home and not a rental, but that kinda goes hand-in-hand with having the finances split with ex-husband. But I know that everything will happen the way it needs to, if I just keep moving forward and taking whatever steps I can towards that freedom that I seek. In the meantime, I’m allowing myself to be grateful.

  • Grateful for my experiences and growth of the last 20 years. I wish that I had learnt some lessons quicker, but I know everything happened the way that it needed to, to bring me to where I am now and to who I am now.

  • Grateful for all the things and people that I do have in my life, and the ones that will come. Everyone and everything has a purpose in my life and whilst I know that not every relationship will be long-lasting, each connection teaches me something and lets me share something that I know.

  • Grateful that I’ve gone full circle and come back to my true self. My spiritual abilities and clairvoyance have given me the strength and encouragement to carry on and keep moving forward, despite the circumstances.

  • Grateful that I’m able to bounce back much quicker than most because I can see the big picture and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I know that my optimism and attitude is a ray of sunshine that helps light the way for others.

  • Grateful for the person that I’ve become and for what’s coming towards me in this life: the abundance, the love and the happiness. And for the connection that I have to my guides.

  • Grateful that you’re reading this post and that something in here resonates with you and that you’re feeling grateful for the things in your life.

  • Grateful that everything happens the way that it should.

  • Grateful for how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown.

So I took it easy on myself in January, whilst I reflected. I allowed myself time to just relax and just be. I allowed time for self care and to let go of any type of control that I was holding on to, because not everything was going as fast as I would have liked them to. I made the time to really think about where I wanted to go next and the type of life I want to have in this new year. Yes, I had already set some goals and intentions, but I took the time to add in the details and focus in on what would really make me happy and the steps needed to get me there.

I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll always strive for more… for better… for my heart to sing every day and to have as few regrets as possible. And that’s okay. At least I know where I’m going and I know that it will take time. I don’t have to rush it. Everything will work out. I know it in my heart, my soul, my gut. I’ve “seen” it. I’ve even felt it, energetically. I know it’s coming. I’m working towards it. And in the meantime, I’m going to allow myself to enjoy the journey, and I’m not going to be too hard on myself for when I trip up along the way. I’m going to make sure that I have time for me and my own self care, so that I can be there for the people that I love and care for; So that I can be the best person I can be.

And that brings me to today. To right now.

Today, I enter this new year, this new decade, as a happily single mother of three. I still have some loose ends from last year to tie off and close out, and that’s okay. I have some huge goals for this year and the next few after that. I know I’ll get there. I’ve come so far already in just the last year by just doing me.

So here’s to a new decade of possibilities and opportunities; To more self care, self love and firm boundaries; To new adventures and experiences; To new people and places; To a whole new chapter. Let’s do this.

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