Don't Tell Me How To Feel

April 2023

Emotions are very personal. It's an extension of what you feel and it's mixed in with what you're thinking and experiencing. There is no right or wrong. And yet there are people out there, who feel it's their duty, to tell you how to feel, and sometimes even how to act or respond.

And they have no right to. No matter who they are. Because what you feel is simply, what you feel. You can't suddenly "feel" something else just because you're told to. You can't suddenly either be or not be upset about something, if it doesn't impact you the way others might think it would or should. Emotions aren't something that we can just turn on or off and it shouldn't be,

Emotions, feelings and whether you choose to express them, is very personal. Sure, there are some society conformities and general behaviours that we're all supposed to adhere to, but even the most conservative of us have the odd outburst of emotions.

Personally, I think emotions are a case of "better out than in" and I'm not going to go on about all the "constructive" ways of expressing them, because that's not the point of this blog. I'm going to focus on why I think that some people feel the need to tell you (or anyone else) how they should or shouldn't feel in situations, and the reason might be an eye opener.

I believe that, quite simply, it's a projection of what they think they'd feel in that situation, or what they think they "should" be feeling. Sometimes it gets mixed in with what they would do too.

But that's no reason to make you think that you should feel or do, anything that you don't want to. Because quite simply, they're not you. They don't know all the ins and outs of your life and experiences that has led you to feeling and behaving the way you do. And no one has the right to try to make you feel guilty about feeling or not feeling something, or doing or not doing something.

However, it's also true that no one can give others the power to make you feel bad about feeling what you feel, except you.

You and only you, have the power to let other people's opinions matter.

An opinion is just that - an opinion. It has no weight behind it unless you enable it. And I don't care who the person is.

Let yourself feel what you need to feel and don't you let anyone make you feel guilty for it. Cry if you want to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Don't react at all if you're not feeling it. But don't do any of it because someone else told you to or said that you should.

You do what feels right for you, because at the end of the day, it's you that has to live with you. And it's you that needs to be okay with it.

So just do you.