And just like that, my work break over the holiday period is over, and the start of my first work week for this year looms before me… and I can’t help but feel a little bit disappointed about all the things that I didn’t get around to doing during my time off. At the same time, I’m also happy with what I did accomplish, because what I did do was spend all my time resting and playing with my kids, which is something that is more valuable than me ticking off anything else on my to-do list that I made for myself; Because everything else I can do on weekends or in the evening. But I’ll never get the chance again, to spend time with my kids, when they’re exactly the age they are now, or rather, the ages that they were during these last two weeks.
I guess that’s what these holidays have been about. Priorities. And working around things that we can’t change, like the weather. (There were so many things that I had planned to do that involved being outside, but I needed sunny warm days, and I didn’t always have them.) Then there were the things that were unplanned, like having to run an extra errand or go to more than one store to find what I needed… and the frustration that went along with each of those things.
But amongst everything, I learnt to appreciate what I did accomplish and the time that I did spend. Nothing was wasted. Even the fact that I had to travel (at one stage) to three different stores to get what I wanted, which involved driving around for a few hours more than I had planned – that led to extra time spent with my kids, albeit unplanned, on a different kind of adventure, and to lots more talking, laughing and singing in the car as we did it.
I found out a little bit more of what it takes to motivate each of my kids and what each of them consider important (and what each one’s breaking points are). I learnt a little bit more about how each of them thinks and what they value. And I felt very blessed that each of them chose to spend time together with all of us together, instead of hanging out with their friends, even if we were just at home, watching a movie, playing a board game or doing a puzzle.
Over these two weeks I’ve allowed myself to relax and unwind, and to sleep in if my body asks for it, without feeling guilty. I’m still trying to learn to quiet my mind, but I have given in to listening completely to what my mind and body needs and to allow it to dictate my days.
And I think that that’s what I’m dreading more than actually going back to work. I’m dreading the idea that I'll loose the freedom to do what feels right, when it feels right. I'm not looking forward to going back to schedules that are dictated by others or the endless meetings that seem to have no real point (or even a resolution by the end of it). I'm cringing at the thought of losing that sense of self that I feel like I've just found again over these last two weeks, and I'm sitting here wondering how I can integrate it into my regular workday; How I can somehow "do my job" and still be true to who I am and where and what I feel I need to do and be.
So I’m thinking that I’m going to write a list. I’m going to write down everything that I’d like to “keep” from these holidays. I might even include a few things that I'd like to ditch, if I can't think of it in the positive sense. And I'm going to make myself a plan for how I can achieve it over the next week, the next month and the year... and I'm going to measure myself against it. It'll be my own goals for myself.
And just like that, the very thought of all of that has made me feel lighter. It’s made me feel less anxious about tomorrow and a little bit more at peace with myself, so I know that I'm onto a good thing.
So it’s with that thought and that feeling, that I’m going to call it a day and go to bed, knowing that tomorrow will be okay.
