The Ebb & Flow

September 2021

I’ve never been one to chase friendships. I understand that they come and go, and whilst I cherish the ones that I do have, I don’t fret over the ones that have naturally ended themselves; The ones that were, once upon a time, flourishing, and then, for one reason or another, fizzled out as you both went your separate ways.

People, like other things and events in our lives, come and go. They find us when there’s a reason to and they stay for their season, before disappearing in the distance, and I’m okay with that. I’ve met so many wonderful people in my life so far, and whilst I’m in still really in touch with only a handful, I cherish the time that I spent with each of them; Because each of them came into my life when there was a reason for them being there – when there was a lesson to be learnt. And that's not to say that the lessons were always bad. In fact, most were good and many were beautiful. Most “lessons” came in the form of advice or observing how they would do or approach something, so that I could adopt it.

And it’s funny how each of those people were strangers when we first met and over time, as we’ve drifted apart, they’ve gone back to being strangers. But some of them don’t. Some of them drift back and cross your path again.

In the last week, I’ve had two such souls who have knocked on my door again – both completely unexpected and each beautiful in their own way. But what I find interesting is how both of them found me again. Both stumbled upon me by chance. Neither of them were looking for me. But they found me. And I think I surprised them both - by how much I’ve changed and grown; By how different I am to the person that I was when we knew each other, and in a good way.

You see, I’ve been doing my part of “giving back” to society by writing articles for magazines and getting them published. The same kind of ramblings that I do here, but with a little more purpose. And when I wrote each of the articles that have been published so far, I wrote them with the intention that they’ll be found and read by those who need it, for whatever reason. I reiterated the intention when I submitted them for publication, and then let go of the outcome. (Whether you believe in intention setting or not, I know that it worked. I can feel it in my gut and I’ve seen it in the unexpected responses and feedback I’ve received so far.)

And as unexpected as it has been, I’m really excited that these old friends have reconnected with me on this part of my journey. I know that there’s something that needs to be shared… needs to be learnt… or just a message that needs to be heard. I don't know what it is and I’m not sure which way it’s supposed to go or how it all should look like, but I know that they’ve both come in at this particular season of me, for a specific reason.

So like all my connections, I’m just going to see where it goes. I’ll do some watering on my side whilst they do some watering on their side, and we’ll both see where it leads and how many seasons they’ll hang around this time. I’m not going to force it. I’m just going to let the conversations flow and trust that they’ll flow to where they need to.

Which is probably why I find it odd when I see people really try to make friendships or any relationship, work. The ones where it seems like you're the only one pushing things uphill, on a slippery slope. The ones you have to work so hard, just to keep the relationship alive, that it’s like a daily battle… like you’re trying to hold onto something that just shouldn’t be.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to nurture relationships in your life. I’m saying that relationships that are supposed to be, will just be. They should be effortless. They should have the freedom to evolve, change, grow, move. Each person in any relationship should be confident enough in themselves, in who they are, to allow space for the other person to just be. There shouldn’t be any need for controlling, for demanding attention, for chasing. Both parties should be allowed to come together naturally. No force necessary.

But too many relationships aren’t like this.

Too many times are we pushing for something that just doesn’t exist; Working on something that died a long time ago, and should have been left. And why is that? Is it because we’re not comfortable enough in who we are? Because we don’t think we’re good enough, somehow? That if we don’t “work” for it, that there won’t be a relationship? And if so, ask yourself: If you have to work so hard for a connection that isn’t there, what are you exerting all that effort for?

Life really is too short to be pushing against the tide. We, as people, change. We grow and evolve on a daily basis. What we like. What we think. What we do. Every tiny experience that we encounter, alters us in some way, and over time, it can look like someone we no longer recognise: Someone who has completely different interests to us. Someone who we have nothing in common anymore. Someone who we no longer makes us laugh, smile, or feel good.

And that’s okay. Everyone is allowed to change. All you need to do is allow it.

Be confident and comfortable enough within you, to know that this is how life flows. Don’t fight it. Let it be. You might just be surprised with the new, wonderful people and relationships that will cross your path when you just stop fighting and let go.

It really can be beautiful.