It's Going To Be Different

January 2022

I don't want 2022 to be the same as the years gone past. I want change. I'm ready for it. I want to be okay with things going slowly. I want to savour each moment. I want the time to celebrate all the little things and to be okay with all the unknowns. I want it to be different to how it was.

And since I'm in control of my life and my reactions to what happens both around and to me, I know that this is possible.

In the last few months (and years), I've taken the time to learn more about me and my boundaries; I've reset many, adjusted others, taken some away, and built new ones. My boundaries on what I will and won't accept has gone through a complete transformation, and I'm happy with where they now sit. I expect that some may change and new ones will sprout up, but I have a solid foundation now, so I'm okay with adjustments.

I've learnt how to manage difficult people and situations, and am comfortable with how I feel when I respond the way that I want to - the way that's best for me.

I know that I'll never be able to control how someone else behaves or reacts, but I know that I am in total control of myself and how I react. I know that it's okay to walk away, not respond, or simply say that I don't like what's happening, when things aren't right. And I'm comfortable with that.

I know what I like and all the things that I want to try and to experience. I know where my limits are and I know what I'm comfortable pushing and what I'm comfortable leaving as is. I understand what I'm capable of and I now want to use this knowledge to further myself in the best way possible.

But the one thing I want most is to slow down and allow. I don't want to push ahead and not notice what just happened because I was too busy to stop and appreciate the moment just gone.

I want to use my morning coffee time, to actually savour my coffee; To be able to really taste and enjoy it; To let my mind wander and imagine. I don't want to sip my coffee whilst I try and cram a thousand other things into my morning and end up with cold coffee.

I want my walks to be filled with wonder and awe, and not about counting steps, how far I've walked, or how long it'll be until I get to where I'm going. I want to be able to run when I feel the urge and walk or slow down when I feel like it, or when something catches my eye.

I want my days filled with laughter and my nights filled with wonder. I want to play, explore, learn, relax, and let everything run its natural course. I'm tired of trying to push. I want to just sit back and allow. I want to call to me, everything that I need and everything that needs me.

And I'm going to start with my immediate surroundings, by making small changes to everything that I see and do on a daily basis. I'm making the time to take it slower by allowing more time. Lots and lots of extra time.

Because I also know that when I slow down and allow, things have a way of working out much better than when they're pushed or rushed.